Discovering Rose
by Michelle-Ann85
Summary: When Martha Jones accidently comes across Rose Tyler's journal, she can't help but take a peek to find out about the Doctor's mysterious former companion.
1. Chapter 1

It had been quiet by accident that Martha had found the book. She had been searching though the TARDIS library when she had brushed against it and it had fallen to the floor wide open. It had only really caught her eye at that point because it was hand written. Big but neat lettering covered every page, with little scribbles and doodles around the margins, maybe from where the writer had been thinking. Martha flicked to the very front page, which was embossed with a great many things, including the name 'Rose Tyler' written in large bubble writing, every other letter colour pink and purple.

It had been curiosity that had caused her to take the book over to an armchair instead of putting it back where she found it. The Doctor had only ever mentioned Rose to her once, a few months ago when she had first started travelling with him and although she had wanted to ask, she never had, the slight break in his voice when he had said her name and the way he had passionately told her 'not that your replacing her.'

Martha looked around the deserted library, like a guilty child who knew what she was doing was wrong. Then, very slowly, she peeled back the covering page to the first full page of writing.

**_Earth - 1st January 2007_**

_The past week has been somewhat odd. Eight days ago, I had been facing an army of a million Daleks and the Doctor changed his face, then a week ago me and the new Doctor saved the Earth from invading aliens. We had a chance to talk about his regeneration properly on Boxing Day, once mum had gone to bed. I didn't admit it to him, but I had found the whole experience terrifying and I had felt like I lost a friend. I suppose I have in a way, but I have gained a new one as well. _

We're staying with mum while the Doctor gets used to himself. I've been watching him, to see what his new moods are like and what his new habits are. Only the other day I caught him trying to make sense of a Bugs Bunny cartoon without any sound on — at this point he told me that one of his new habits was that he had a bit more consideration for other around him because he had said he hadn't wanted to wake my mother, personally I just think he didn't want mum to slap his pretty new face. Although, I have noticed, that on the whole, he is, and I suppose the term is, more friendly towards mum and Mickey. But I do think Mickey has been permanently lumbered with the nickname 'Mickey the Idiot.' I'm sure he doesn't mind — that much.

Mickey took me ice skating on Thursday at Marble Arch. It was rather amusing, as he fell over onto his backside and had to be half carried home by me. However, that part was not funny at the time; Mickey weighs a bloody tonne. On the way home, he made me swear under pain of death not to tell the Doctor he had fallen — which was pretty difficult to conceal seeing as when Mickey did attempt to walk under his own bravado he moved with all the grace of John Wayne. That and coupled with the fact that the Doctor knew we had gone ice skating, it didn't take him long to work out what had happened. Still the two of them seem to have bonded a bit. On Friday I found them both in the games room of the TARDIS trying to kick the hell out of each other on some PlayStation game that required them to save the world from an alien invasion. Much to my amusement, but not to my surprise, the Doctor lost. This meant he resorted to explaining all the games inaccuracies; including that the aliens in the game were actually a peaceful race anyway.

Anyway, we'll be leaving in a few days, for which I am grateful, because I actually find living a normal life day to day a lot stranger than going to far flung places with an alien who is over nine hundred years old, lives in a blue police box that is larger on the inside and saves the world on a daily basis - which is probably the real reason he was annoyed that he lost at that game with Mickey. Still, the Doctor assures me we can come back and visit my mum and Mickey every so often — again I just think he doesn't want to have his pretty face slapped and come to think of it, neither do I.

Martha carefully closed the journal, making the page with a folded corner, before taking the book back to her bedroom. She had a feeling that the universe though Rose Tyler's eyes would make for a very interesting read.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Well, due to the amazing response I've already had with this, I've decided to post the next part - I am actually about half way though this story - so anyway - enjoy!!**

Like all other guilty pleasures, Martha found that reading Rose's journal was a particularly difficult habit to give up, rather like giving up smoking (not that she ever smoked) or giving up chocolate, and maybe that was why Martha was now sat in bed with a mug of hot chocolate and the journal. She kept it hidden under her mattress in the hope it would not be found. Not that the Doctor ever came in her room, but she had more than a sneaking suspicion he would probably do his nut if he found out what her current reading material was. But, then again, she thought, the universe though the eyes of Rose Tyler was highly addictive.

_**New Earth - 5 Billion and 23.** _

Well, everything is new today; New Earth, new Doctor and, albeit temporarily, a new me. We decided to go 'further than we've ever been before' and came to a planet that was the replica of Earth, which was called New Earth. The Doctor explained that after the Sun expanded in the year 5 billion — which reminds me, I'll have to see if his desire to blow things up have subsided with his regeneration, first my job, then my planet and then the Houses of Parliament, anyway — after the Sun blew up everyone got nostalgic and found the planet and moved in. It appeared to be inhabited by cat like creatures that were sort of like cross between cats and humans — I don't even wanna know, it's scary enough that I already know what the Welsh do with sheep (I wonder if there is a planet where there are extremely woolly men or sheep that walk on two feet) so anyway, I don't want to know who did what with cats and when.

We were called to this hospital close to where we had landed by the Doctor's psychic paper, and there I bumped into an 'old friend;' Lady Cassandra — the bitchy trampoline who has not only outstretched her face, but her life span, as well. Unfortunately for me, she seemed to be thinking along the same lines as well, because the bloody woman decided to take possession of my body to blackmail the cat-nun people and to snog the Doctor — can you believe it??

Afterwards, when she had finally left my body and we were safely back in the TARDIS, the Doctor asked me what I remembered. I lied to him and said I didn't remember much — this was mainly to cover up the fact that I didn't want to broach the subject of Cassandra kissing him in my body and he didn't say anything to me about, but there was that look in his eye that suggested he knew more than he was letting on when it came to what I remember. The thing is I'm rather confused about it all. A part of me is disappointed that he didn't kiss back, but I'm also glad he didn't, because it wouldn't have been me he was kissing. Not that I think of the Doctor in that way, it's just…oh I don't know. The worse thing was, and I don't know if he remembers Cassandra saying this or not, because she was occupying his body at the time, but Cassandra said that she knew I had been well, er, I suppose, erm, well, looking at him and liking what I saw — I mean he is kinda attractive in a geeky, sorta, I dunno, unfanciable sort of way — argh — I'll suss that one out later.

Anyway, I was rather shaky after the whole ordeal, but it did earn me some major fussing from the Doctor, who, despite the fact he claims he doesn't do domestic, dutifully brought me hot chocolate and biscuits nearly every hour whilst I watched a couple of my favourite movies in the den. Oddly enough, he joined me for a couple, stealing my biscuits so he could dunk them in his tea — he's taken a rather big liking to tea with one sugar and just a dash of milk; just the way my mother makes it, in fact — a compliment to her part in saving the world if ever I saw one, although I doubt the Doctor would ever admit to that.

Martha scanned the page again, her eyes falling on the passage that said,_'I'll have to see if his desire to blow things up have subsided with his regeneration.'_ She lingered on the word 'regeneration' for quite a while, wondering what Rose meant by it, when she remembered that Rose had said something along those lines in the first page. Actually, a rather large portion of that segment was had been about the Doctor changing, or to put it in Rose's words _'the Doctor changed his face.'_ Martha reasoned that she could go and ask the Doctor about it and say that she had read it in one of the books she had been reading in the library, however, she reasoned, knowing her luck the only books about Time Lords were probably written in that strange squiggly script that the Doctor always worked in. The only language that was not translated for her, so if that were the case, then it would lead to awkward questions about where she had read about it and in any case, perhaps Rose would explain it for her in a later entry.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks again for all your comments - they mean alot!! I just feel I have to defend myself on one point - yes, Rose does sound posh, but what you have to remember is we are reading her diary extracts, so she doesn't write in her cockney accent - hence she comes across the way she does!! Anyway - next chapter - I actually really like this one!!**

Leaning back in her bath, grateful that she had finally got the last of that alien goo out of her long black locks, Martha turned her attention back to remembering where she had got to in Rose's diary. 'Regeneration' was the one word that had come back to mind, although, she still wasn't any the wiser about the situation that Rose had described in her first couple of entries. Still, she though, she had only scratched the surface of the journal.

After drying herself, Martha checked the door to her bedroom was locked and put her guilty conscience away. She knew she should not be reading the private thoughts of this girl, but she wanted to know why the Doctor was the way he was with her. Continually putting her at arms reach, ready to let go without a moments notice if he had to.

_**Scotland, 1879** _

OMG!! Dame Rose Tyler of the Powell Estate, I can't believe I have been made a Dame by Queen Victoria and the Doctor got knighted as well, I mean how cool. My mum is never going to believe this, well actually, she didn't believe it, because I've already phoned her to tell her, although I did conveniently forget to her that I have been banished from the country. She's a little disappointed that she can't tell anyone except Mickey, because no one else knows that I really spend my time travelling though time and space — all my mates just think I travel around the world, and you would think I have, but actually, I haven't been to that many places on Earth, haven't really been to that many places in England now I come to think of it, maybe me and the Doctor can save Dover from invading Frenchmen some time soon or something.

Anyway, I got rid of mum by telling her she could be the first one to tell Mickey, the only flaw with that plan, as I found out twenty minutes later, was that Mickey decided to look me and the Doctor up in the records for that year on his computer and told my mum that we had also been banished from the Kingdom. So I had her back on the phone, raving about how irresponsible the Doctor was in getting us exiled, well, more getting me exiled and that I couldn't come home to see her again — so I don't think we'll be visiting her until she calms down a bit, maybe in a year or two, the Doctor had unhelpfully suggested. I did point out to her that it all happened over a hundred and twenty years ago in Earth time — she tutted at that and mentioned something about airs and graces — and anyway, I told her, they'd never believe I was the same person.

Actually, she went on and on for ages about how she had to live with the shame of having an exiled daughter, in the end I shut her up by telling her that I had held the Koh-i-Noor. Mum went so quiet that I had to check that my phone hadn't ran out of battery or signal or something, although with the Doctor's special jiggery pokery upgrades I doubt the first two would ever happen. Anyway, when mum finally found her voice she told me she didn't believe me and that it was pretty unbelievable that me and the Doctor saved Queen Victoria from a werewolf using the Koh-i-Noor. I'd have filmed the event for her, but seeing as I spent most the night either hiding from said beastie or running away from it, I didn't get a chance.

The Doctor is currently trying to fix the circuits on the TARDIS so we can still go and see the Ian Dury in Sheffield, which would be so cool, because we can use his psychic paper to get in backstage and meet the band! Maybe I can convince him to take me to see the Beatles or something, because they are just legends. Actually, now I come to think on it, he owes me a tenner, cos Queen Victoria said 'I am not amused,' so maybe I'll get him to buy us dinner and then go to the concert and best of all, he'll like the chips, because in 1979 they still wrapped them in newspaper.

Martha put the book aside and grabbed her own mobile phone; she hadn't phoned her mum in a while and felt almost jealous as she listened to the ringing tone that Rose had been able to share her adventures with her mum and her friend, because she didn't have anyone who she could talk to about the things she saw. As her mum answered the phone, Martha looked down at the diary — Rose Tyler had suddenly made her feel so very alone.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N- Oh dear, it's School Reunion time and things start to go a bit down hill for young Rose - poor thing! **

Martha hadn't picked up the journal for a few days, not since calling her mum. She hadn't quiet forgive Rose for making her feel so alone, however, she knew it wasn't really Rose's fault. Martha pulled the journal from under the mattress and glared at it for a moment before opening it skipping past the parts she had read until she fell on a particularly furiously written page with a lot of crossings out on it.

_**Earth —March 2007** _

I am more confused than I have ever been at the moment. The last week has been really tough and now I don't know if I'm doing the right thing by staying with the Doctor. Maybe I should just leave before it gets too hard to let go, but Sarah Jane said this was the sort of thing that was worth a broken heart. Maybe I'll give it a while and anyway, now I have Mickey to keep me company — except I don't really want him here.

Mickey is part of my old life, someone I come home to, not someone who comes with me on my adventures. He's supposed to stay at home and look after mum for me. No, that's not really fair, but I suppose, is that what I think of him now? Mickey Smith, stay home until you're called out of the woodwork? Oh, but why did the Doctor have to invite him along? Oh, yeah, because it was Sarah Jane's idea.

Sarah Jane Smith — well that has been an eye opener. In all our time together, he had never mentioned anyone else he's travelled with and he seems to just leave them behind. Sarah Jane was just left behind, but he swears he won't do that to me and said I could spend the rest of my life with him, but he couldn't do the same with me. But why am I so different to Sarah Jane or anyone else who has travelled with him? One day we'll probably be visiting my mum and he'll just say he's popping out for twenty minutes and never ever come back for me. He'll go off and have his own adventures on his own, without me, leaving me on Earth to try and get on with some form of a life and looking at Sarah Jane, I would guess it was hard for her to pick up the pieces.

I suppose I will never truly understand the Doctor; his regeneration taught me that. His change in personality was actually a little alarming at first, going from a brooding Time Lord who used to use sarcasm as a major mask to hide behind to what he's like now; always talking and just a little bit rude on occasion, although he is learning to contain that. The Doctor said regenerations were like that and that it wasn't the first time that his incarnations were almost complete polar opposites of themselves — but I don't think he is the polar opposite of his former self, I think I might have brought out a side of him that had been shielded away after the Time War or maybe he found it on his own. I dunno.

I think I will stay a while; I wouldn't want him to be alone any more than he has to be and there is still so much of the universe to see.

Martha sighed; frustrated because Rose's comments about the regeneration had only brought up new questions. She looked up to the ceiling, she could just ask the Doctor, she was sure he wouldn't mind the question or maybe, yes, that was it, she'd coax the answer out of him. Closing the book thoughtfully, she started to mentally plan how she was going to get around to the subject of his regeneration.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N - this is gonna be the last update for a couple of days - I need to watch Rise of the Cybermen and Age of Steel again to get the next part right - but don't worry it'll be worth the wait - with any luck i'll get it done by tomorrow evening so...**

**Anyway, thanks for all the encouraging reviews, this is a brillient little fic to write, anyway, Martha's got herself in a bit of trouble...**

Martha really wished she hadn't brought up the subject of regeneration with the Doctor, because although she had gotten the answer she required she had gone one step too far; by asking him what event had caused his current incarnation. The look he had given her; it had left her convinced that he was going to evict her from the TARDIS or something. She had then apologised before he could answer and pulled a runner from the console room, cursing her stupidity. She knew she shouldn't have asked, but she had just blurted it out. 'So what happened to cause your last regeneration?'

She leaned back against her bedroom door and looked around the room, breathing heavily to calm herself. He wasn't going to evict her for being curious — although that situation could change if the Doctor found out about the journal.

_**Deserted Spaceship — 51st Century.** _

First Sarah Jane and now this! I should have just gone home when I had the chance and then I wouldn't have to deal with this. Why her? Why someone he had only just met?

Aw, well, at least I had Mickey to keep me company while the Doctor went swanning off saving Madame de Pompadour without any viable means of being able to return back to us; leaving us to just die or something on deserted spaceship. The old Doctor wouldn't have just left me like that — five and a half hours, just sat there waiting, without any means of getting home. Home. For the second time in a week all I want to do is go home.

After Mickey went to bed, I went back to the console room to speak to the Doctor about it all, but instead I ended up watching him mope around, occasionally tinkering with something on the console or else sitting on the jump chair looking very sorry for himself and that's when I realised my suspicions were correct. Why did he have to fall in love with someone like her?

He'd only known her a day.

It was such a human thing to happen and that's maybe why he took it so hard when she died. I have never really thought about what would happen if the Doctor fell in love with someone — that comes under the heading of domestic and he doesn't do domestic, at least not with me anyway. Not that I've ever thought about being domestic with the Doctor, well maybe a little bit, on occasion.

I mean, what was so bloody special about her? Or more importantly, what did she have that I don't have?

But of course, he had said it; she was a highly accomplished woman — intelligent and pretty. Everything I'm not — I am just Rose, former shop girl and the Doctor's assistant (as Sarah Jane had put it when we first met.) But why did he have to fall in love with someone he could never have? Why not me? Why didn't he want me in the way he wanted her?

Martha couldn't quiet believe what she had just read; the Doctor had fallen in love with someone. It felt strange to think that this had happened, when she found the Doctor to be quite a distant person. She looked over the previous entries and realised that he had experienced a very different relationship with Rose and that Rose's feelings towards the Doctor bordered on the romantic.

_**Time Vortex — About three days after my last entry.** _

Well, this is great, the Doctor is still sulking, which means we've been bouncing around the Time Vortex while he stalks around in TARDIS feeling all misunderstood. He really can't cope with intense human emotions — give him ten foot alien who is about to dissect him with a surgical scalpel and not a hint of fear, in fact he thrives on it, loves every moment of it, but the moment he has to feel something for someone, well like I said before — DOMESTIC — scares the hell out of him. I wonder why though — what happened to him that has made him like that?

Me and Mickey were trying to think of what to say to him, but what do you say to a heartbroken Time Lord who thinks he knows everything? Anyway, we found an old copy of Monopoly in the game room, so me and Mickey have been systematically taking over London for the past day and a half.

Anyway, the Doctor better bloody well cheer up soon, we're running out of milk and I'm getting cabin fever from being shut up in here, and besides, the Doctor could probably do with getting into a life and death situation. Nothing like nearly being killed to remind you of what you still have.

Martha's head shot up as she heard a knock on her door. She looked about the room quickly, where could she hide the book? She dived for her bed, throwing the journal under her pillows, at the same moment she grabbed the textbook from her bedside table and opened it at a random page. She moved herself into a comfortable position and called, 'yeah, come in.'


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N - Why didn't I start with Series One? Well, personally it doesn't have the right emotional response for me between Rose and Nine and also this did start out as a one shot, exploring the Doctor's regeneration and how Rose coped with that!! **

**Anyway, I pose to you the same question I posed to everyone at the other site I've published this - Does the Doctor find out or not?? Which ending do you want to see??**

That had been too close, Martha decided, far too close. She buried her head in the upside down book that had almost been her downfall. The Doctor had only come to see if she was okay after her sudden departure where she had stumbled over her words, before realising that he had a very quizzical expression on his face as he looked at her book and he had asked why it was upside down.

She had answered with the words, 'Oh, I was just testing myself and the answers are upside down on the page,' the Doctor's expression had changed from quizzical to 'oh really?' It was such a disbelieving look and she knew she shouldn't be lying to him.

After five minutes of sitting stock still with her head in her book, she finally looked up and pulled her pillow aside, looking at the journal. Two choices before her, she could take the book back to the library and put it back, but Rose's latest entry had intrigued her too much. The Doctor in love with someone.

It didn't seem possible.

**_Parallel Earth – 1st February 2007/ Earth – May 2007_**

_Today, I watched a woman who was biologically my mother get turned into a Cyberman. She wasn't my real mum; she was a parallel version of my mum who never gave birth to me or a parallel version of me. I only spoke with her briefly, but in some ways, she was exactly the same however she was also so different. But she's gone now and on that parallel Earth, where my dad, Pete Tyler, is still alive, he has no one – but he didn't want me either. I could have brought him home to **my** mum and we could have been a family._

_No, maybe I don't believe that. The Doctor told me that it probably wouldn't have worked out that – he said that they were two completely people and that it wasn't right for someone to cross over dimensions. But he allowed Mickey to stay in that reality. When I asked him why, why could Mickey stay, when my dad, Pete, couldn't come here, he had said it was different. But I don't see how it can be different – Mickey should be in this World, where I can see him and phone him up to chat about what me and the Doctor have been up to. He shouldn't be in a reality were he is just filling the shoes of someone who had been killed. He was my best friend, always there to talk too, like the whole Madame de Pompadour thing, I don't think I would have got though it if Mickey hadn't been there to hold my hand. And now, he's just gone. _

_The Doctor took me home the moment the TARDIS had enough power to land. She had been badly weakened by travelling to another dimension, when we first landed in the parallel dimension, the Doctor was convinced the TARDIS had died – he looked so distressed – but I suppose, once I'm gone, she'll be all he has- we 'companions' seem to come and go, weaving our stories into his life, but the TARDIS, she is always part of him. _

_Anyway, he took me home, I have never been so glad to see my mum. We materialized into directly into her front room – she said she didn't mind, she was just glad to see me. After about five minutes, the Doctor said he was going to move the TARDIS – but with everything that has happened – with meeting Sarah Jane, Madame de Pompadour – I thought he wouldn't come back for me. Going home to see my mum, I'll be back in five minutes and never come back while the tea gets cold on the side. But he just gently cupped my head in his hands – mum wasn't in the room – and he said to me, 'I've already told you, you can spend the rest of your life with me, I'll be back in five minutes.'_

_He was back within two. He gave me that 'didn't I tell you so' look and I have never been so glad to see him. Well, that's not quiet true, when we were on Purla DeVura I could have kissed him to death when he turned up, because I was moments away from being dissected by some mad cap scientist who had never seen a human before. _

_We told mum a highly edited version of events, but the sadness in her eyes when we told her that Mickey had stayed behind in the parallel world had made me cry. I thought she was going to scream at the Doctor for letting him stay behind, but she just seemed as numb as me. We didn't tell her about parallel Pete or the fate of her parallel self, neither myself nor the Doctor seemed to be able to form the words, and also, we had previously agreed that it was probably best not to tell her. _

_Mum then told us we could stay as long as we wanted to – for which, the Doctor was actually rather gratefully, because he said the TARDIS needed a resting period after their little jaunt. Which is fine by me as well, I want to stay for a little while._

Martha rubbed her hands over her eyes, forcing herself not to cry. She thought of the Doctor, and realised that she, just like Rose would never truly understand him. He had told Rose that she could spend the rest of her life with him and now she was gone. Martha knew she didn't want to spend the rest of her life living this life, but she couldn't help feel second best, the rebound girl – he didn't want her for as long as she could give.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: This is the second part to the previous chapter - and this chapter has spawned little plot bunnies for a one shot i've been writing since this morning (i'm not working this week et all) so keep an eye out for that - cos it'll be good- anyway - the fun begins - a teeny, weeny bit of swearing here - just be warned.**

It had taken her a lot of restraint not to cry. Looking down at the diary, Martha knew that if she couldn't take what was written there than she shouldn't read it and just take it back to the library.

You shouldn't be bloody well reading it anyway, she reprimanded herself, you should just put it back where you found it and never think about it again.

_**Earth — May 2007** _

I always hate seeing my mum's mates when I come home. It always leads to difficult questions because they all want to know where I've been and the answer 'well, yesterday we were chasing a comet though the Zella system for kicks,' just seems to get the odd raised eyebrow and the suggestion that I visit the local loony ward, no matter how true it is — so where have we been visiting? Well, for all intents and purposes, when Bev asked me that this afternoon, I think I said we'd been to Edinburgh. Which, of course, lead to difficult questions about Mickey's whereabouts. I could bloody well kill him for staying in that parallel reality, because the questions are so hard and the answer that he met someone just isn't believable. Mainly because everyone knows how important I was, am, to him. Perhaps I should kill the Doctor for letting him stay — he could have knocked Mickey out cold and dragged him into the TARDIS or something.

Anyway, bloody Bev's ability to flirt with anything with a penis got me into a little bit of trouble. She's taken a shine to the Doctor and that sort of thing leaves him in a babbling mess — which is rather amusing, because he sort of just opens and closes his mouth like a fish as he struggles to find the words. However, that can send out the wrong signals to people like Bev, so as usual, it was down to me to save the poor guy from humiliation. In my infinite wisdom, I decided that the direct approach was required. I didn't snog him —more sorta kissed him and told him to play along unless he wanted to be propositioned by my mum's mate.

Unfortunately, we were right by the kitchen — where mum was making tea and I ended up with a wet towel in my face and a glare that could have killed a whole force of Daleks. The Doctor was out the door like a shot — the Daleks called him the Oncoming Storm and he is bloody scared of my mother. Mum didn't say anything while Bev was still around, but once she was gone, I got the whole Spanish Inquisition. She doesn't believe me, when I tell her there's nothing going on between us. How could there be — he's nine hundred and I'm, er… twenty? twenty-one? Oh crap. Technically, to my mind I'm twenty and I'll be twenty-one next year, but I did lose a year last year, thanks to Mr Time Travel who is now cowering in the TARDIS no doubt, hiding from mum, so I'm officially twenty-one. Damn, living with a time travelling alien who drives his ship like he's still learning — if we actually end up where we're meant to then I may actually die of the heart attack it would cause.

Despite herself, Martha laughed. She could fully sympathise with Rose there. But again, this entry like the last one showed stark contrast between her relationship with the Doctor and Rose's. The Doctor had never really met her family, but he seemed to have been a part of Rose's family.

Martha closed the book and picked it up, placing it firmly in its hiding place and climbed into bed. She stared up at the ceiling for a long time.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N - Yes I know what 'dancing' is - but does Martha?**

When she had started reading this diary, it had only been with the intention of finding out about Rose, but she found she had learnt more about the Doctor than Rose. The man who was probably pacing around the main console was a very different person to the man detailed in this book. The man she thought she knew was a distant Time Lord, who went from planet to planet, time to time, saving various worlds from destruction. The man in this book was completely different.

In part, Martha really wished she hadn't started reading the journal. Before now, she had been happy with her distant relationship with the Doctor, but upon discovering this new, more open side of him, she found that she was craving to ask all these questions, the type of questions she knew would never get answered.

_**Earth — 1953** _

I am thankful to say that I shall not be dying of a heart attack today, as the TARDIS, typically, did not get us to where we actually wanted to go. We were suppose to land in New York in 1956 to see Elvis Presley in action instead we get London 1953, the day before the Coronation of Queen Elizabeth — which is still pretty cool, but I'd have rather Elvis any day.

Although, I have to say, that is absolutely the last time I agree to go to a concert with the Doctor, last time I was nearly eaten by a werewolf and banished from the Kingdom and this time I had my face taken by some TV monster. Nice. Just what I needed, a full on, outta body experience, isn't it enough that already this year I have been possessed by a raving loony.

I don't actually remember much about it, the Doctor said it was probably for the best, saying it was bad enough having to see me without a face, let alone me having to deal with any memories of the incident. We stayed around for the street party with the Connolly's, which was surprising, normally the Doctor likes to just move on, normally before the mess gets cleared up. But today, he attributed it to the fact we were watching history, because street parties like these were what the Coronation was really about. I was fine with it all, seeing as I was dressed up for the occasion, might as well get some use out of the dress, so me and the Doctor had a little twirl together once we got back to the TARDIS, he won't dance in public — I swear, he has some moves on the 'dance floor'.

Anyway, we've just found ourselves a comet to chase; apparently, it's going to be a bit of a bumpy ride. Although, I have been instructed, under pain of death, not to touch any of the controls. Last time, I accidentally pushed the self destruct button that thankfully wasn't wired up to anything, but the Doctor said it could have been. I really don't get his TARDIS, half the buttons don't do anything and the other half doesn't do what the Doctor says they do. Personally, it leaves me wondering where he got his licence from — did he have to take a test? Or did he just send an application off in the post?

She couldn't deny that she was a little disappointed by this little section of the diary — after the previous entry where Rose had admitted to kissing the Doctor, Martha had been hoping for something a little telling. But she was beginning to understand one thing. It appeared, just from Rose's point of view in the diary and the Doctor's maintained stony silence when it came to her, that they had forged a very, very close relationship, but Martha didn't want to speculate on how close. Now, the Doctor maintained her at a distant level, not letting her get to close for fear of becoming too attached to someone else, whether it be romantically or not.

This, then lead Martha to wonder, what had happened to Rose? If she and the Doctor had become so very close, then why wasn't she still with him?


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N - Very short chapter, intended as just Rose's intial reaction to the events in The Impossible Planet/The Satan Pit. As this was a double episode, there will be another entry relating to this episode. **

Martha had done that thing that all cynics do when reading a book. She had flicked though the pages until something really grabbed her attention, however, she did have far to look from the previous entry. Written in huge capital letters were eleven words that scared the hell out of her.

_**An Impossible Planet — Year, Unknown.** _

THE VALIANT CHILD, WHO WILL DIE IN BATTLE SO VERY SOON…  
Is this what is to become of me — is my life in this universe coming to end? Will the Doctor be taking my body home to my grieving mother? He said the Beast lied, but deep in my heart, I am not so sure — I go from planet to planet, holding the hand of the Doctor, seeing new worlds, galactic battles, the birth of stars, the death of sun's and all it takes is for me to take one stupid step and there would be nothing.

I want to call my mum, but if I do that, she'll insist I come home but what's to say home will be any safer than here. If anything, I feel safer here.

I really don't know what to make of the past day or so, I haven't really processed it all yet — I nearly lost everything; the TARDIS, the Doctor, my life.

I'm afraid to tell him that I am afraid.

But the Doctor, he said all along the Beast was playing on 'very basic fears.' I asked him what he saw down in that pit, but he won't tell me, said it didn't matter, that it was all over now and that I shouldn't worry — like that's a reassuring answer and he darn well knows better than to play me for a fool when it comes to things like this. I just want to know — we were up against a Beast that called itself the Devil for goodness sake, I mean the Devil, it's like a constant across the whole of space and time — wherever I have been, there has been an all knowing, all caring God figure and that came with a Devil figure.

To be honest, my head hurts and I just need some sleep — maybe I'll feel better in the morning and everything will be a bit clearer.

With shaking hands, Martha closed the book. The Devil? Had she understood Rose's implications correctly? Had the Doctor met the Devil? Then a very sick feeling rose in her stomach.

'The valiant child, who will die in battle so very soon...' the phrase rolled over her lips.

The girl was gone, that's why she was no longer here and the Doctor - she could feel the tears prick in the corners in her eyes as everything started to make apparent sense — he wasn't just missing Rose; he was mourning her.


	10. Chapter 10

Was she reading the diary of a dead girl? Martha certainly believed so and in a cold way she knew she shouldn't read any more. Sure she had read things like Anne Frank's diary, but that was different, her family had wanted to publish that diary so the world would know what happened in the War — reading Rose's diary was nothing short of obscene. Yet she kept plunging into the life of Rose Tyler and the Doctor.

Martha now stood in the library at the same spot where she had found the book laying on the floor. It was near an entire section of Mills and Boon books — she remembered the Doctor telling her that the TARDIS had a copy of every book ever written, but Mills and Boon were taking the Mickey a bit — she looked along the rows of books, wondering why it had been stashed among these books and Martha guessed it was probably because no one would ever think to look among them, unless the Doctor started to take on ninety year old women as companions — not very likely though.

After ten minutes of trying to guess where Rose had stashed the book, Martha took it over to a chair and looked at it again, then flicked it open to the last entry she had read and looked over it again, but this time she turned the page.

_**Time Vortex — Time, Unknown.**_

The garden in the TARDIS really is a nice place to get your head together and after yesterday I do need some space on my own. I didn't sleep well last night, so many nightmares — I don't often get nightmares, even after some of the things I've seen, but the Beast scared me.

I wish I could speak to the Doctor about it all, but I fear that I would say too much about everything that scared me — at first, it seemed as though we were merely stranded on the base and we would have to go and live a 'normal' life on some planet. The Doctor does not do that sort of domestic (in fact, he claims he doesn't do any domestic at all — I know differently but I'll never get him to admit it) and I don't think I do anymore either. In truth, the idea of having to settle down scares me — the universe is so beautiful and I want to stay with the Doctor as long as I can whether he regenerates again or not (preferably not, because I love him the way he is). However, I think I've kinda given him the wrong idea about how I feel about 'us' and I haven't had a moment to clear the air.

When I suggested we move in together if one of us did have to get a mortgage, I didn't mean it in the sense we settle down together, having kids, get married and the whole nine yards, I meant it in the sense that it wouldn't be quite as scary as it would be if I had to do it on my own — because it was just as terrifying for me as it was for him. He isn't meant to stay in one place — that never has been and never will be the Doctor's life.

I still don't really know how I feel about the Beast; it destroyed so much life in a matter of days. It killed that girl, Scooti, possessed Toby — I wish I hadn't had to do what I did. Did I kill a man? Was Toby still alive when he was sucked out of that window into space and the hole? I never want to have to pull the trigger again. All those Ood killed and Mr Jefferson — the man went down like a hero protecting me, Danny and Toby, and I know I'll never forget it. And I thought I'd lost the Doctor — once and for all.

I thought I lost him when he regenerated, but this; he was miles and miles away from me with no way of communicating with anyone that he was alive, facing goodness knows what. This has truly been the first time I have been this terrified for our lives and we've faced whole armies of Daleks and Cybermen, but they were all nothing compared to this.

I'm gonna suggest to the Doctor we have a little rest — just need to get this all out of my system.

Within five minutes Martha was stowing the diary back under her bed. The book couldn't go back to where she had found it — no one ever needed to know what Rose had done to that man to stop the Beast. But she couldn't give it to the Doctor — she didn't want to tell him she had read it.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Aww... to my dear reviewers and readers - howdy!!**

**Read some interesting news about the new series of Doctor Who today - although it was in the Sun so it's probably not true, it better bloody well not be true!!Anyway, here we go!! Only a couple more chapters to go :( Sequel anyone?? **

The diary lay under Martha's bed for the best part of a week before she dare open it again.

_**Earth — July, 2007** _

Some people know how to ruin a day; me and the Doctor were having one of those perfectly enjoyable relaxing 'days' when my mother phones me in tears. I swear, I think some people are sick — she's met this guy who seemed all nice and cheery, helped her out with a few DIY bits — Mickey used to do that, but with him gone and all — and then she finds in his pocket a picture of me!!! I swear, people think aliens are scary, but sometimes I think our friends and neighbours are scarier than most life forms out there.

Anyway, this guy, he was using mum to get to the Doctor — although how they found out I travel with him is beyond me. Naturally, the Doctor hit the roof when I told him why mum had called and even he insisted we go and sort it out straight away. We found the guy about to be eaten from some creature from some planet called Clom — actually it's the twin planet of Raxacoricofallapatorius, that planet name is soooo cool. Raxacoricofallapatorius.

Actually, turns out, he wanted to find the Doctor because he remembered him from his childhood and wanted to know what had happened the night his mother died. It odd, cos the night his mum died only happened a few months ago for us, but to Elton (that's the guy) he's had to live with wondering what had happened to her. I guess, I would want to know if it were me — still — doesn't excuse the fact that he went though my mother.

It's odd, because I'm sure last year, before he regenerated he gave Mickey a disk that would wipe all knowledge off him on the internet — I guess since Mickey's gone there's no one to watch the web and make sure no one can catch up with the Doctor. He used to do such a good job of keeping an eye on the web and stuff for us. I still miss him, miss phoning him up and having nosensical chats about what he's up to and what I'm up to. But I'm sure he's leading a great life in the parallel world — still even mum said to me when we went to visit her once all was done and dusted with this Elton fella, that she misses Mickey. I didn't realise, but the two of them were quite close. I suppose they couldn't talk about the real me to other people, so they only have each other. I wish she wasn't so alone all the time, but I just can't bring myself to leave the Doctor. I don't want too. I never ever want to leave him.

With a pang, Martha realised how dangerous this life with the Doctor was not only for her, but how dangerous it could be for her family. Okay, so in this instance, it had only been an ordinary man who was looking for the Doctor, but what if something or someone more sinister came knocking at her mum's door? Rose never wanted to leave the Doctor, but Martha wondered, how much longer could she stay.

She flicked though the rest of the pages — Rose Tyler's life was rapidly coming to an end.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N - Don't worry, still two more chapters to go!!**

It was the last written page in the book; Martha looked at it her hands shaking and reflected on what she had learnt. She was jealous, very jealous of Rose's relationship with the Doctor, but equally, she didn't want what they had shared together. Was it love? Rose had most certainly been in love with him. Had he reciprocated? Was that why he still mourned for her. There were never any tears, just silence.

_**Earth — 2012**_

Olympics! What a brilliant idea, although the Doctor says I'm not allowed to tell mum what really happens, in case she starts betting on the winners, says it would be a violation of my privileges as his companion — says he who made a bet of a tenner with me when whilst trying to get Queen Victoria to say 'we are not amused' — which I still haven't seen.

However, something came up today; I suppose I'm just daft if I hadn't thought of it before. He told me 'I was a dad once.' Once. When? I suppose it was when his home planet was still around and he is over nine hundred years old. He has elaborated on it, but then, I haven't asked any further questions about it. I suppose, now he is the only Time Lord left, that his children? Child? Is no longer alive. I'd like to ask him about it, but I dare not ask him about anything to do with his home planet and the Time Wars. It seems incredibly domestic _but I suppose it was probably a long time ago._

But something more worries me; he says a storm is coming, but he won't tell me any more. I'm not sure if I should be worried or not, but there is something in the back of my head and the words of the Beast keep coming back to my mind.

THE VALIANT CHILD, WHO WILL DIE IN BATTLE SO VERY SOON…

But the Doctor promised me that the Beast was lying. When I said that nothing would split us up, he wasn't so sure and he's become a little distant. I hate it when he is like this, he goes all cryptic and then something terrible happens, like on the Game Station when we lost Jack. I really do hope nothing more is coming our way for a while, I don't want to lose him again, I don't want him to regenerate again, I just want him the way he is, I love him.

Anyway, he says were heading out to the Prasis Nebula for a couple of days, some new stars are being born, and that always makes for fantastic entertainment — the TARDIS projects the image into the garden, so we can just lounge about in the glass watching stars being born. It's like going for a midnight picnic, only so much better.

And with that it was over. There was still more than a quarter of the diary to be written in. Sighing to herself, Martha sat down at the desk in her room and pulled out a pen and a piece of paper — after all these days of agonising the words came easily to her.


	13. Chapter 13

At first, he wasn't quite sure where it had come from and the Doctor just assumed that the TARDIS, who had a rather annoying habit of moving things, had put the book on the console. As he picked it up, a folded sheet of A4 lined paper fell out. He picked it up and was surprised to see that it was addressed to him and that he was written in Martha's squiggly handwriting.

_Dear Doctor,_

I thought you should have this, as I felt that no one should ever read this — having read it myself, for which I am sorry. Of all the places to find such a book, I found it hidden in the Mills and Boon section, to which I'm sure there is a wonderfully amusing explanation as to why, and probably one I shall never hear about. 

You have to know, that I found this by accident, and that there was no ill intent. When you see what it is though, I have no doubt that you will be landing this wonderful ship of yours on some desolate rock (or Earth) and evict me bodily onto said rock.

It's weird, when I picked this up and started reading, I thought I would be learning so much about someone else, truth is, I have learnt about someone from this book, just not about the author.

My things shall be packed when you are ready to land, and for what it's worth, and I'm sure it's probably not worth much right now — I'm sorry you lost her.

Martha.

With a curious expression on his angular, boyish face, the Doctor opened the book. His eyes widened in shock, but he could feel anger bubbling up inside of him as he got out of the jump seat. Had Martha really read this? How dare she? He crumpled the letter in his hand and threw it aside in disgust. All the recent little questions slipped into his head again — she had been questioning things that she hadn't understood from Rose's journal and it hadn't even occurred to him to ask her where all these questions had suddenly been coming from. 

The Doctor stormed into depths of his ship, it was time he had a little word with his young companion. 


	14. Chapter 14

Martha started as a voice issued from the door way behind her.

'Going somewhere?'

Martha spun around to face the Doctor. His expression was stony and in his hand he held the journal she had earlier left by the scanner in the Console Room. Martha crossed her arms in an attempt to stop herself from shaking. Then much to her surprise the Doctor smiled, it was a sad smile, but a smile nonetheless.

Eventually, he spoke, leaning against the door. 'I suppose you think I'm going to shout at you for this,' he held up the journal, 'tell you it was wrong and you shouldn't have read it, but what would be the point?' He sighed heavily before continuing, 'you already know that.'

She was somewhat taken aback, but he wasn't done yet.

'A wise man once said "Curiosity is not a sin... But we should exercise caution with our curiosity"'

Martha sniggered despite herself. 'That was Professor Dumbledore from the Harry Potter books.'

The Doctor's eyes twinkled. 'Like I said; wise man.' The Doctor walked into the room and crossed to the bed, the journal still in his hand, he sat down. 'Of course, you were bound to read it, you humans can be so nosy, always want to know about things, people. Everyone does it, you buy magazines and autobiographies just to find out a bit of truth about someone you'll never know.'

He fell silent and Martha took her opportunity to speak. 'You were a different person with her. I noticed that, especially, towards the end.'

He smiled. 'Quiet literally at one stage, she didn't take it too well at first.'

A sheepish smile crept across Martha's terrified features. 'Yeah,' she said, causally indicting the book, 'I could tell, she mentioned it a couple of times.'

'I'll take your word for that,' said the Doctor flatly.

Feeling a little braver than she ought to at this point, Martha decided to asked the one question that had been playing on her lips for a while. 'Did you love her back, in the way she loved you?'

The Doctor looked at Martha for a long time, tapping his fingers on cardboard cover of the book. 'Yes,' he said eventually, his voice sounded slightly broken and there were a million unspoken words in his eyes, 'but I never got the chance to tell her.' He smiled suddenly; but it wasn't his usual bright smile. 'I sent her away twice, to stop her from being killed or something worse and both times she came back. Couldn't keep her away - sometimes she was brave to the point of recklessness.'

Martha allowed herself to laugh as she marvelled at the Doctor's sudden willingness to open up. 'We human's, we tend to form attachments like that to the ones we love. There isn't much I wouldn't do to save my family or my friends, and including you.' Martha sighed and leant against the chest of drawers she had been stood by. 'What happened, in the end? The journal just stops. Did she die?'

'You remember the Battle of Canary Wharf?'

Martha blinked. 'Not going to forget it in a hurry,' she said recalling the grief of losing her cousin during the conflict.

'To stop the Daleks and the Cybermen, I decided to open the Void, from where they came from. Rose was holding on to one of the levers that opened the Void, but she lost her grip, however before she was sucked in her father, from the parallel dimension, reappeared, caught her and transported her across the Void into his dimension,' the Doctor shook his head, 'she's trapped there now, can't bring her home.' Then he looked at the packed bags around Martha's feet, he sighed looking at his companion. 'You don't have to leave, just, er, promise me if you find any more books like this you won't read them.'

Martha nodded, pinching the bridge of her nose.

The Doctor got off her bed and headed towards the door. 

'Doctor,' Martha called to his retreating back, 'maybe you'll still get a third time lucky, with Rose I mean.'

The Time Lord turned to face Martha, again his expression was stony. 'No, the door to her reality is long closed.'

'Well, an even wiser man than Dumbledore once said,' started Martha, '"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us." Perhaps it's time you stopped looking at that closed door and find an open one before its too late.'

**A/N -And so it ends for now - until the sequel gets started!! **


End file.
